November 13, 2006

Not just another article about why you Gossip

Posted in Inspirations, Personal Development, Relationship at 6:48 pm by joeychan

I bet, by now, we have all realized that gossips are everywhere.  Teach participant. Sometimes these subjects are stars, and more often they are common friends.

Ironically, it’s always those who have known you for the longest time who gossip about you the most. You share so many common friends and so it’s always the best ice breaker to start conversations with gossip about you. Also, they keep on seeing you with preconcept from 10 years ago or subjective points of view believing that they know you the best and it doesn’t work to talk to you directly about it. But before they realize, you have already changed.

Anyhow, I don’t know if it is regarded as lucky but my friends ALWAYS tell me things that I am NOT SUPPOSED to know- the gossips about me from the conversations they have with other people. I think it’s really sweet that they tell me because I think they are the ones who really know me. They know that I always like to know what people actually think about me so that I can keep track on how I sometimes misexpress myself.

Although I know that gossips are eveywhere, when my friends come around to tell me these gossips about me, I still can’t help myself from getting mad instinctively. I am mad at what these people say about me is totally not the real me. I am also mad at, if these people are upset about me, why can’t they just tell me personally, coz I find this really easy to do. 😀 Then, I realize. I realize that I should actually feel quite sorry for them. It is because these people simply do not have the courage or habit to handle whatever that upsets them. Thus they need to get people to be on their sides to make them feel better and right. These people who have things to say about me, they talk to a common friend of ours who doesn’t/will never know the real details of the incident to get the friend on his/her side. And that makes him/her feel SO MUCH BETTER. Also, what I realize is, many people in the society of Hong Kong simply need to victimize themselves to have conversations with others- victims of a crazy company, victims of a crazy boss, victims of a crazy family, and victims of a crazy friend, like Joey Chan.

Moreoever, like I mentioned, it’s usually how these people have misunderstood me that’s why I get angry upon hearing the gossip. And this is exactly why I should forgive them. Maybe, in fact, at some point, I indeed have done something to misexpress myself. However, I have tried. I have tried to love and care each person I call a friend and to show myself honestly. But if things do not turn out right for others to see the real me, then I guess I have to leave it.

And I can leave it with no hesitation because for sure I am lucky that I have more than enough people who know who and how I really am, and better yet, they appreciate it! 😀 I feel lucky because what people see and appreciate about me is not an image that I have to work hard on faking and maintaining. Not an angel, a princess- but the real me.  I let my friends know when I am happy, moved, mad, or hurt. It’s the real me. The only people left for my conern are these people who know me by hearing gossips about me. These people get to hear a distorted and misinterpreted version of me. But afterall it’s their choice. If they do choose to believe something by hearing, may we leave it to fate and see if they will, one day, decide to judge by seeing instead.

From all the conversations I have been involved in my life so far, I find that it’s always easier to convince people of bad news of others than good news. If you happen to stumble upon this post, hope you can take a moment to think if you are one of them. Don’t do this for me, but for others. Think about why this is how you are. There are lots of good people out there who do not deserve to be misinterpreted. It hurts. And not all people have the stupidity like mine to comfort myself by writing in a blog. So, make your friend’s day by slowing down to observe him/her with your heart and mind. You’ll be surprised.

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May 11, 2006

Sorry, but you will have to take it.

Posted in Personal Development at 10:23 am by joeychan

I am pretty sure a lot of us have been through this: “Mum is so annoying. You know what, I swear that I am never ever going to treat my own child like how she treats me!” Or, “Dad’s habit is so irritaing and stupid that I will never ever want to follow his pattern in my life!”

……

But “unfortunately”, the older we get, the more we find ourselves resemble our parents. Be it our expressions, gestures, wordings, attitude and values…we just seem to be cursed and it doesn’t seem like there is a chance that we can get away from it. Why is it? CAN ANYONE TELL US WHY??

Well, yes. Some people blame it on genes. Yes, genes do play a role. But what actually plays the trick were the things that happened to us during our early childhood years from between 0 to 10 years old. The people who took care of us taught us most of our habits now- “What are you talking about?? I don’t remember anyone teaching me these habits!” And that’s the worst part of all. You’er right. Sometimes we learn by memorizing, like Chinese History and Economics formulae. They go into our left brain and they do not stay well and intact for long.  Short-term memories are good for exams and papers and will fade out from our memory as time goes by. But things that happen around us repeatedly for a long period of time, especially during times when we are relaxed like how we are at home, go into our right brain. They form our intuition, habit and subconcious. We may not even remember how we learned them but, sorry to say, we absorbed them completely like how a sponge absorbs water. I always love to describe these scenarios with the Chinese phrase: “kan zhai yien li”. If you have a dad who loves singing when driving, you may find yourself, one day, humming your favourite tune on the bus without awaring how other people are already looking at you with weird expressions; if you have a mum who is used to talking of others’ wrong doings, you may find yourself often drowned in conversations of the same nature. You may not have the slightest clue why you are doing it or what is causing it. You may not even think it matters, but, whether we want it or not, our subconcious is here to rule our behaviour before we even realize, and not to mention, control it.

However, there do are exceptions. Me and you are bound to know some mother who is obsessed with playing mahjong but has a son who hates the game and everything that has to do with gambling. In such cases, the parent’s behaviour gave the child such nightmares and overwhelmed the child so much that it had reached the child’s right brain in the form of: “I hate mahjong. I hate mahjong. I hate mahjong. Mahjong players are losers. Mahjong player are losers. Mahjong players are losers.” which formed a strong value in the child’s mind. If the child grows into an adult who lives his life on firm principles, it may occur to this man who suffered from mahjong shuffling sounds over long periods of time that he will never want to touch a single mahjong tile even with his toe nail. However, if, in some point of his life, he is introduced to the art of mahjong by a loved one, he will “miraculously” pick up and master the game faster than anyone else!

The conclusion is, if we want our child to behave exactly the same like we do, we should just go ahead and stick with whatever we’re having and doing now, including our little habits, attitude and values. Otherwise, we may want to think about changing,improving, or at least, hiding some parts of ourselves- any part of us which you don’t want to pass on to generations and generations to come.

Sorry, but you will have to take it.

Posted in Personal Development at 10:23 am by joeychan

I am pretty sure a lot of us have been through this: “Mum is so annoying. You know what, I swear that I am never ever going to treat my own child like how she treats me!” Or, “Dad’s habit is so irritaing and stupid that I will never ever want to follow his pattern in my life!”

……

But “unfortunately”, the older we get, the more we find ourselves resemble our parents. Be it our expressions, gestures, wordings, attitude and values…we just seem to be cursed and it doesn’t seem like there is a chance that we can get away from it. Why is it? CAN ANYONE TELL US WHY??

Well, yes. Some people blame it on genes. Yes, genes do play a role. But what actually plays the trick were the things that happened to us during our early childhood years from between 0 to 10 years old. The people who took care of us taught us most of our habits now- “What are you talking about?? I don’t remember anyone teaching me these habits!” And that’s the worst part of all. You’er right. Sometimes we learn by memorizing, like Chinese History and Economics formulae. They go into our left brain and they do not stay well and intact for long.  Short-term memories are good for exams and papers and will fade out from our memory as time goes by. But things that happen around us repeatedly for a long period of time, especially during times when we are relaxed like how we are at home, go into our right brain. They form our intuition, habit and subconcious. We may not even remember how we learned them but, sorry to say, we absorbed them completely like how a sponge absorbs water. I always love to describe these scenarios with the Chinese phrase: “kan zhai yien li”. If you have a dad who loves singing when driving, you may find yourself, one day, humming your favourite tune on the bus without awaring how other people are already looking at you with weird expressions; if you have a mum who is used to talking of others’ wrong doings, you may find yourself often drowned in conversations of the same nature. You may not have the slightest clue why you are doing it or what is causing it. You may not even think it matters, but, whether we want it or not, our subconcious is here to rule our behaviour before we even realize, and not to mention, control it.

However, there do are exceptions. Me and you are bound to know some mother who is obsessed with playing mahjong but has a son who hates the game and everything that has to do with gambling. In such cases, the parent’s behaviour gave the child such nightmares and overwhelmed the child so much that it had reached the child’s right brain in the form of: “I hate mahjong. I hate mahjong. I hate mahjong. Mahjong players are losers. Mahjong player are losers. Mahjong players are losers.” which formed a strong value in the child’s mind. If the child grows into an adult who lives his life on firm principles, it may occur to this man who suffered from mahjong shuffling sounds over long periods of time that he will never want to touch a single mahjong tile even with his toe nail. However, if, in some point of his life, he is introduced to the art of mahjong by a loved one, he will “miraculously” pick up and master the game faster than anyone else!

The conclusion is, if we want our child to behave exactly the same like we do, we should just go ahead and stick with whatever we’re having and doing now, including our little habits, attitude and values. Otherwise, we may want to think about changing,improving, or at least, hiding some parts of ourselves- any part of us which you don’t want to pass on to generations and generations to come.

April 20, 2006

Purple Dreams and Green Dreams

Posted in Personal Development at 12:25 pm by joeychan

If you can dream it, you can do it. Always remember that this whole thing was started with a dream and a mouse.  ~Walt Disney

Dream the impossible because dreams do come true.  ~ Elijah Wood

I dream, therefore I exist. ~ August Strindberg

Dare to err and to dream. Deep meaning often lies in childish plays. ~Friedrich Schiller

There are all sorts of quotes about “dreams”. And there are all sorts of people having all sorts of dreams everywhere. But recently, I realized that a lot of people have major misinterpretation on the meaning of “dreams”. I would like to spend this part of my blog on organizing the meaning of this dreamy word.

I think there are 2 kinds of dreams. Let’s call them Purple dreams and Green dreams for now. Purple dreams are crazy dreams that you simply dream about that will never come true. For example, you dream about having a memory bread. You press the bread against a page that you need to memorize for an exam or a presentation. Then if you eat the bread you will remember everything printed on that page. Or you dream of having a memory buzzer, so that it erases a selected part of your memory. Some people make purple dreams about LIFE. They dream of being a pro athlete, or they dream of being the richest man in the world. Other people dream about more practical dreams like starting their own business or retiring at 50 years old. However, these are still purple dreams but not because of their content. They are purple dreams because of the dreamers. These dreamers heard from somewhere or read from some quotes that they need to have dreams. And that’s why they dream. They make their dreams and the next thing they do, as far as anyone is concerned, is to sit there and go on dreaming how fantastic life will be once they have achieved their dreams. They will go on thinking about the country they should retire in or the interior design of the house they will buy (usually with wall-high windows.) Or whether it is neccessary to buy a personal airplane. They do not do anything practical nor do they make any plans to make their dreams come true. Some of them may find someone or something to blame on being the obstacle to their dreams. Their dreams become as impossible as a memory buzzer and the memory bread.

What are Green dreams? Green dreams are in many ways the same with Purple dreams and, yet, different in many. Let me give an example- one of Bill Gates’ earliest dreams was “A personal computer on every desk and in every home.” He had this dream when he founded Microsft and launched the MSDOS operating system. Having such a dream at that time was as crazy as anyone wanting to be the richest man in the world because even a former IBM chairperson, Thomas Watson, once said, “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.” But did Bill Gates make his dream and stop there? No. He went on planning on how Microsoft could expand market-wise, that would lead to expanding finance-wise and size-wise. He has not taken his mind off for a single minute from how to reach his goal.  This is also why he looks nothing but a geek now.  And so do many other Green dreamers. From Leonardo Da Vinci, Stephen King, John Nash, to Li Yun Di, Yang Li Wei.  They dream, plan and devote. A lot of people try to deny these people’s hardwork by claiming that they are “The Lucky Ones”. Because they think they themselves devote, too, and they are just in lack of luck. But have they forgotten to plan? Or some of them do plan but they don’t devote. And of course more of them only dream and do nothing else. They become Purple Dreamers. Little do they know the effort and time and how much the real Green Dreamers have sacrificed for their dreams- they sacrificed their entertainment, their relationships and maybe even their health. It is not up to me nor you to decide if it is a fair deal. Only in their own minds can we find the answers on how much their dreams are worth.

Green dreams and purple dreams… Which kind of dream do you have?