November 13, 2006

Not just another article about why you Gossip

Posted in Inspirations, Personal Development, Relationship at 6:48 pm by joeychan

I bet, by now, we have all realized that gossips are everywhere.  Teach participant. Sometimes these subjects are stars, and more often they are common friends.

Ironically, it’s always those who have known you for the longest time who gossip about you the most. You share so many common friends and so it’s always the best ice breaker to start conversations with gossip about you. Also, they keep on seeing you with preconcept from 10 years ago or subjective points of view believing that they know you the best and it doesn’t work to talk to you directly about it. But before they realize, you have already changed.

Anyhow, I don’t know if it is regarded as lucky but my friends ALWAYS tell me things that I am NOT SUPPOSED to know- the gossips about me from the conversations they have with other people. I think it’s really sweet that they tell me because I think they are the ones who really know me. They know that I always like to know what people actually think about me so that I can keep track on how I sometimes misexpress myself.

Although I know that gossips are eveywhere, when my friends come around to tell me these gossips about me, I still can’t help myself from getting mad instinctively. I am mad at what these people say about me is totally not the real me. I am also mad at, if these people are upset about me, why can’t they just tell me personally, coz I find this really easy to do. 😀 Then, I realize. I realize that I should actually feel quite sorry for them. It is because these people simply do not have the courage or habit to handle whatever that upsets them. Thus they need to get people to be on their sides to make them feel better and right. These people who have things to say about me, they talk to a common friend of ours who doesn’t/will never know the real details of the incident to get the friend on his/her side. And that makes him/her feel SO MUCH BETTER. Also, what I realize is, many people in the society of Hong Kong simply need to victimize themselves to have conversations with others- victims of a crazy company, victims of a crazy boss, victims of a crazy family, and victims of a crazy friend, like Joey Chan.

Moreoever, like I mentioned, it’s usually how these people have misunderstood me that’s why I get angry upon hearing the gossip. And this is exactly why I should forgive them. Maybe, in fact, at some point, I indeed have done something to misexpress myself. However, I have tried. I have tried to love and care each person I call a friend and to show myself honestly. But if things do not turn out right for others to see the real me, then I guess I have to leave it.

And I can leave it with no hesitation because for sure I am lucky that I have more than enough people who know who and how I really am, and better yet, they appreciate it! 😀 I feel lucky because what people see and appreciate about me is not an image that I have to work hard on faking and maintaining. Not an angel, a princess- but the real me.  I let my friends know when I am happy, moved, mad, or hurt. It’s the real me. The only people left for my conern are these people who know me by hearing gossips about me. These people get to hear a distorted and misinterpreted version of me. But afterall it’s their choice. If they do choose to believe something by hearing, may we leave it to fate and see if they will, one day, decide to judge by seeing instead.

From all the conversations I have been involved in my life so far, I find that it’s always easier to convince people of bad news of others than good news. If you happen to stumble upon this post, hope you can take a moment to think if you are one of them. Don’t do this for me, but for others. Think about why this is how you are. There are lots of good people out there who do not deserve to be misinterpreted. It hurts. And not all people have the stupidity like mine to comfort myself by writing in a blog. So, make your friend’s day by slowing down to observe him/her with your heart and mind. You’ll be surprised.

April 22, 2006

“SHXT! Where is my phone??!!”

Posted in Inspirations at 8:54 am by joeychan

“SHXT! Where is my phone??!!”

“DXXM! I left my wallet at work!!!”

“FXXK!! I forgot to bring my keys! And I have no access home! Where are you now?”

Do you yourself or you have a friend around you who say one or more of the above at least once every other month? If you do, I beg you to read on.

I think, out of every 30 humans, there is at least one member who is so forgetful that it becomes a regular topic for entertainment at social gatherings and an infamous signature of that person. He loses phones, keys, wallets and other little things so frequently that it’s impossible to keep track for them anymore at this age. The reaction of the people around this forgetful person varies depending on who that person is- if that person has a special identity, for example, an artiste, or a very talented and professional musician, the people around him, will usually comment with “oh dear, you silly thing!”, or “awww, how can he be so forgetful? hheh!” along with a motherly smile. However, if the forgetful person has an “ordinary” identity, he will very likely be yelled at by parents everytime he forgets something, or his friends will response by giving “Geez-he’s-hopeless” kind of gazes among one another at his forgetfulness. And more, his lover will be so disappointed by his “irresponsibility” by thinking that he’s too childish to be in a long-term relationship. But today, I am not here to talk about how ordinary people are being treated differently from artistes in everyday lives. Instead, I’d like to talk about the real reason behind forgetfulness.

Forgetful people are usually accused of the following sins- mindless, naive, irresponsible, spoilt, and many more of the kind. Before we find out if they are really guilty of the above characteristics, I would like you to first think about this- have you realized that there is one real similarity among all these forgetful people around us? No? Yes? No? Yes. There is. And that they are all very creative people. Or I should say, they are either very creative or they are very talented in one or more aspects of art. Is it a coincident? Yes? No? Yes? No. It is not a coincident at all. People who are talented in art are not talented for no reason, just like how creative people are not creative for no reason. They think and observe more than anyone else does. That’s how they get their brilliant ideas and invent view points that we have never seen from. Whether they are walking on the street, taking a bus, staring at some ants, waiting for the traffic lights to change or they seem like they are idling, they are always observing and thinking. And there is this inappropriate time when they think that causes them so much trouble. It is when they are switching activities. When they are going from one activity to another, especially when it involves interacting with people, their mind spins even faster and their eyes are busier than ever observing. At this time, their brains are  occupied with too many things at the same time that they basically have no idea what the other parts of their bodies are doing. It is not that they get out of control to the extent of tap-dancing in front of friends. What they don’t realize is that their hands are putting down things in random places. They have no idea that they are about to put the glasses behind the soya sauce bottle and they are never going to see the glasses again. Nor do they realize they are about to put their mobile phone on the lap and the little toy will slide down onto the taxi seat in no time and disappear for good. But sometimes they get lucky, too. Ocassionally, they later get to have a glimpse and realize that their items are lying around at these absurd places. But their minds have not had the chance to spin down yet and they decide to pick up their items later. But it always happens that, the next time they think about the item again, it is already a time when it is too late to regret.

However, I am not here to defend and protest for the Forgetful Men and Women Union. I actually have a few solutions for these poor souls. Accept the fact that your mind spins at too high a speed for you to “do it later”. Upon the first flash of a moment when you realize your phone is lying on the countertop of your kitchen, pick it up and stuff it into your pocket. Don’t wait until later. When you see your key holder lying on your office desk because you took them out to use the HSBC security device that is attached to it to check your account balance with web banking, put it back into your bag right away. Don’t wait until later. Or, when you are about to enter a room, especially a room with people who have the potential to give your mind a busy time, either spin down your mind for a while or stuff everything away immediately before you step into the scene. Be calm for a brief moment so that you won’t put things down without yourself realizing, or stuff away your personal belongings so you can’t even leave them behind. DON’T WAIT UNTIL LATER.

Not all creative people are forgetful, but all forgetful people are creative. And if you are lucky enough to not be a forgetful dude, please understand that no matter how hard your hopeless friends are trying, they are only going to improve from losing 8 phones a year to losing 2 phones a year, and they may have already tried their best. Their high mega-hertz minds are the reason to their forgetfulness but it is also where our friends cook up their hillarious and amazing ideas and topics.  And in case they forgot to tell you- they do realize and appreciate your presence to save the countless keys, wallets and phones, more importantly, your empathy to accept and embrace them.

April 9, 2006

A brand new life

Posted in Inspirations at 11:20 pm by joeychan

9th April, 2006.

One of the most memorable and special days of my life.

The first reason is because this is the day when I have started to follow the crowd to create a blog. I have decided I need one because I want to create a channel for my very close ones to know what and how I really think. I can’t behave, think nor speak properly when I am nervous, depressed, excited, shy, worried, inconfident or arrogant. Which means I can’t express myself properly 99% of my lifetime . I hope my blog will help project my thoughts clearly to those who are waiting to listen and for those who often misunderstand me from my hard-to-understand behaviour. I don’t think I will make posts regularly. But I will write when I have something to share.

And for those of you who have been listening to me patiently for the past couple of weeks should know, the second reason to why it is a special day is because I have decided to start a brand new life without this person in my life. Although it will still take some time, but I promise that I will have her out of mind, out of my world of values, out of my heart as soon as I can, because I can’t disappoint all of your patience and care just for this imaginery friend who lives in her own imaginery world and tries to force me into her world and judge me with her own royal point of view and set of values. She is outta here.

Who is she? She was a friend of mine whom I have known for the longest time. She was a friend whom I spent the most of my childhood with and we had such fun and silly times together. It was such great and unusual experience that it’s not easy for those who don’t have friends whom they have known for 30 years to imagine and understand. Although I can remember that I was often being yelled at, for having nose allergy, eating too much, etc., but I didn’t think it mattered when I looked back, and thought that it was just childhood afterall. At least it was better than being lonely at home. She was also a friend whose 30-year friendship with me, I thought would remain the same forever and we were gonna stay friends for the rest of our lives. She was a friend whom I put all my trust in all these years everytime I needed someone whom I could trust 100% to listen to and she seemed to be able to purely understand me from all the reactions that she gave me. She is also a friend whom I eventually found out one day that she’s the one who understands me the least from the way she talked behind me and from the things she made up about me. She is a friend whom I believed, whatever happened, would be the last one to do the things she had eventually done to me. She is also a friend who have disappointed me for not just one or two times but I still stupidly chose to trust her regardless of all the advice from my other friends. Finally, she is the friend who made me felt like I was slapped on the face and that I had to wake up and accept the fact that she’s not who she pretends to be. I had to wake up and leave. I had to look through the fake image she has created for herself and stop being fooled by it like the other people in her world are. Should I be happy…or should i not?

It is common that friends use the same comments they had on you when you were 10 years old to describe how you are now. At least my Toronto friends still do. :b But it doesn’t mean that she has the right to label me as how she knew me when I was 10 for the rest of my life and makes sure that the world thinks the same way as she does. I was shocked at first to know how she spoke behind me. I thought she was upset about something in particular about me that I didn’t act ready enough to listen. Since I believe that relationship is a 2-way thing and I could do better to make her feel better about me. But no matter how careful I was, it would not stop her comments she had on me in front of others. Which at this point sounded more like gossip than anything else. My consideration eventually turned into fear because I was worried if any of my words and behaviour would upset my good old friend. My heart was full of fear whenever I was interacting with her but I did not know. I still went on trying. Everytime when I was hurt and disappointed by what I heard, I took time to recover and decided to try to do better again. And unfortunately, I heard again and again and the words she used only sounded more and more hurtful, including “Joey is pregnant and I need to go to Mainland China with her for the abortion” to cover her secret trip with a guy whom all her friends hated, and “she has borrowed $1X0,000 from me for psychiatrist therapy and she still hasn’t returned the money to me” which I had no idea why she had to say it. And this wedding preparation for herself in this past half a year had helped me found the last piece of jigsaw puzzle of a picture- the picture of the real her- very clearly in front of me. And, followed by this last time she gossiped about me as a friend, I had to break it off, because there is something that I forgot. I forgot that I have a mother. And I don’t see why my mother’s daughter deserves to be in such spiritual pain. I had to walk off.

The care and love I have received from my other friends after this final incident between me and her have awaken me. I finally know whose judgement I should really care about. It’s not hers nor her friends’, but all of you who have listened to and spoken to me in these past two weeks. I have heard every of your words and I will try to pull myself out of the labyrinth she has put me in and put myself together as fast as I can. Thanx to you all and I really appreciate having such wonderful human beings existing in my life. I love you all.

Summary: A lot of my friends who have been following through the relationship between me and her suggested that she did it out of comparison and it is something very common among girls. There are so many things common between us and she had to make herself feel better and more confident by making belief that I am, in many ways, worse than her.

If you happen to be reading this, I hope that you can take a minute to think. Think about if you are doing the same thing as she did. There are many other things you can do to make yourself feel more confident- to love, to help, oh, and to be healthy, too. Please choose among the many other ways to make yourself feel better than hurting your friends by comparing and gossiping. It is hurtful and it does not reflect the facts. It only gives you imaginery results. Do something that REALLY makes you feel better for you to be genuinely proud of yourself.