November 13, 2006

Not just another article about why you Gossip

Posted in Inspirations, Personal Development, Relationship at 6:48 pm by joeychan

I bet, by now, we have all realized that gossips are everywhere.  Teach participant. Sometimes these subjects are stars, and more often they are common friends.

Ironically, it’s always those who have known you for the longest time who gossip about you the most. You share so many common friends and so it’s always the best ice breaker to start conversations with gossip about you. Also, they keep on seeing you with preconcept from 10 years ago or subjective points of view believing that they know you the best and it doesn’t work to talk to you directly about it. But before they realize, you have already changed.

Anyhow, I don’t know if it is regarded as lucky but my friends ALWAYS tell me things that I am NOT SUPPOSED to know- the gossips about me from the conversations they have with other people. I think it’s really sweet that they tell me because I think they are the ones who really know me. They know that I always like to know what people actually think about me so that I can keep track on how I sometimes misexpress myself.

Although I know that gossips are eveywhere, when my friends come around to tell me these gossips about me, I still can’t help myself from getting mad instinctively. I am mad at what these people say about me is totally not the real me. I am also mad at, if these people are upset about me, why can’t they just tell me personally, coz I find this really easy to do. 😀 Then, I realize. I realize that I should actually feel quite sorry for them. It is because these people simply do not have the courage or habit to handle whatever that upsets them. Thus they need to get people to be on their sides to make them feel better and right. These people who have things to say about me, they talk to a common friend of ours who doesn’t/will never know the real details of the incident to get the friend on his/her side. And that makes him/her feel SO MUCH BETTER. Also, what I realize is, many people in the society of Hong Kong simply need to victimize themselves to have conversations with others- victims of a crazy company, victims of a crazy boss, victims of a crazy family, and victims of a crazy friend, like Joey Chan.

Moreoever, like I mentioned, it’s usually how these people have misunderstood me that’s why I get angry upon hearing the gossip. And this is exactly why I should forgive them. Maybe, in fact, at some point, I indeed have done something to misexpress myself. However, I have tried. I have tried to love and care each person I call a friend and to show myself honestly. But if things do not turn out right for others to see the real me, then I guess I have to leave it.

And I can leave it with no hesitation because for sure I am lucky that I have more than enough people who know who and how I really am, and better yet, they appreciate it! 😀 I feel lucky because what people see and appreciate about me is not an image that I have to work hard on faking and maintaining. Not an angel, a princess- but the real me.  I let my friends know when I am happy, moved, mad, or hurt. It’s the real me. The only people left for my conern are these people who know me by hearing gossips about me. These people get to hear a distorted and misinterpreted version of me. But afterall it’s their choice. If they do choose to believe something by hearing, may we leave it to fate and see if they will, one day, decide to judge by seeing instead.

From all the conversations I have been involved in my life so far, I find that it’s always easier to convince people of bad news of others than good news. If you happen to stumble upon this post, hope you can take a moment to think if you are one of them. Don’t do this for me, but for others. Think about why this is how you are. There are lots of good people out there who do not deserve to be misinterpreted. It hurts. And not all people have the stupidity like mine to comfort myself by writing in a blog. So, make your friend’s day by slowing down to observe him/her with your heart and mind. You’ll be surprised.

November 7, 2006

Help your child to develop concentration by setting an example.

Posted in The Loving Tree at 11:23 am by joeychan

parent11.jpgMany children’s concentration comes from imitating. Can concentration be imitated? Let us use an example. Imagine when you are sitting at the table helping your child, Emily, to work on her assignment. While you are explaining to her what to do for the assignment that is lying on the table, there is a “bang” sound made by the neighbour from outside the door. You immediately stop your explanationm and look up at the door to check (although you can’t really see anything anyway because the sound is from the outside). Then you realize nothing big deal is going on and so to go back on with your explanation. One minute later, there is the “bang” sound again. This time, even when you know nothing big is gonna go wrong and thus you are not looking around anymore, can you guess what Emily would do? Yes. She would look up at the door to check. What we as parents should do to positively affect children’s concentration is, whether we are working on their work or our own work, we should show our children how we can ignore distractions and focus on the work. Or in the first few tries, if you notice your child is distracted by disturbances even when you’re not, you can show him/her that you are still focused and asks briefly for his/her attention again. Believe it or not, in time, your child will be able to imitate this subconciously from someone he/she dearly looks up to. However, if you consistantly fails to demostrate the habit of concentrating under distractions , I am afraid your child will also pick up the habit of getting distracted easily during work. This may not be the only cause of a low ability to focus but it definitely plays a major role in the development of your child’s concentration skills.